Why not have your cake and eat it too - it's cake, what else are you going to do with it?

If I only had one tooth, I think I would brush it a real long time.

If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a parkbench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Gravity always wins.

Be like a postage stamp - stick to one thing until you get there.

Sometimes I think well. And sometimes I think: Oh well...

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.

It's been lovely, but I must scream now.

Don't leave things unfinishe.

May your trouble be like the old man's teeth... few and far between.

Love letters, business contracts and money do always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

It's only fun if you can get in trouble.

A $1.25 box of Cheerios will float, but a million-dollar luxury liner won't.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

My karma ran over your dogma.

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are useles: peacocks and lillies, for instance.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Most people deserve each other.

Bad habits are like comfortable bed... easy to get into, but hard to get out of.

Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.

Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Happiness is like a precious Ming vase balanced on the head of a dancing drunk.